– “What are you doing?”
-”Fishing for a wife.”
-”What…”
-”See these sturdy female shoes? The woman I want to marry will pick these out from a box labeled FREE sitting on a sidewalk. The relationship between height and shoe size seems to correlate, so I bought a size 7 which seems like an average size. A dark brown, nearly black, with a practical heel…but not new looking, of course.”
-”Why, ‘of course’?”
-”Well, anyone will take a free pair of shoes and try to sell them for profit, but a practical woman will take a worn-out looking pair of shoes and breathe some life into them.”
-”How the hell are you going to fish for anyone…where’s your fucking line, man?”
-”Tracking chip, right there, in the heel.”
-Are you kidding? This sounds absolutely ridiculous.”
-”Sure it does, but so does waiting around for someone to approach you. People are too consumed by their lives.”
-”Have you thought of approaching someone else first?”
-”Of course, and I will, when I catch my golden carp. Any woman I approach in the street will think I’m a creep or intimidating. But with the tracker I’ll know where she goes, her interests and such. When I feel confident enough I’ll just wander in her line of sight, make an off-hand comment about something she loves and I will be one step closer to finding a lover…if not a wife.”
-”Wow, dude. This sounds insane. Nor organic at all. Actually, not legal sounding either.”
-”Ha! Come one, Jay, lend me a hand? I’ll be Batman with my ultra gadget operation and you can be Alfred, the most useful person in the planet.”
-”Seriously, like, not even Robin or Superman? Whatever. What do you want, oh Great Overlord?”
-”I need you to take this box with the shoes, throw some random shit in there like books or clothes, not real shit, please…And drop it off near your place.”
-”Seriously? You can fucking do that.”
-”What if my target sees me? The chance meeting in the future has to be the first time.”
-”Ugh. Whatever. Give me the shoes. You’re lucky you’re my best friend.”
You get to approve the objects Jay puts in the box:
(Share on Facebook for choice A, share on Twitter to pick choice B, ‘Press It” on WordPress/ or share on Google+ for choice C, and comment for choice D)
A) An unstringed guitar, a copy of Pride & Prejudice, scraps of fabric
B) A tennis racket, a stuffed sheep plush doll, a broken transistor radio
C) Men’s rainboots, an old backpack, a cooking pot
D) ___________, _______________, _____________
(Write your comment below, if people like it then it will be the top choice)
All votes will be tallied on November 9th @ noon. (I will discount a vote from FB and Twitter due to my own publishing/sharing settings) In case of a tie, I will randomly select one.
Thank you for your participation in this writing exercise 🙂
[Image: “” protected by a Creative Commons license belonging to Michael Coghlan]
Final Tally: 3 for option A; 1 for D
A) An unstringed guitar, a copy of Pride & Prejudice, scraps of fabric
Illustrated by Meli 
D) A half-empty gallon of milk, a copy of Mein Kampf, and a green dildo.
That’s hilarious, Mike :p