Too soon to say that my mind is insane, that the people around me are sane,
In reality I may be going crazy, but everyone’s sanity is down the drain,
I’m tired of hoping so much out of life, but life hopes for me so little…
I’m sick of my soul feeling afraid, ashamed of a heart that’s so brittle.
I want to believe, I want to be sure, but right when I am it all falls apart,
Right when I look away for sec, there goes another blow to my heart.
Feelings are crazy like people, people are crazy from feelings,
That’s why in life there are both: physical and emotional killings.
I don’t think I know how to feel, because my defenses told me this
They said “Don’t hope you stupid girl, its not so simple to find bliss.”
Fear rules me, it controls me, the ways I act, it makes me shiver inside,
The cold inside me isn’t leaving, not even thawed by the warm tears I cried.
I feel insanity crawling closer to consciousness, I think I’m becoming neurotic,
Self-destructive, social wreckage, an emotional standstill that’s simply robotic.
My words they speak to me, they tell me the truth, if only others did the same,
This is why I’m honest, so when people lie to me I can say that karma’s not to blame.
So what I speak of to me is a dream, because I always wake up too soon,
I’m a sleepwalker among sleeping men, always looking up at the moon,
The man on the moon won’t promise a thing, he will only look down at me,
The man on the moon is the closest thing now that I have to reality.
Is it insane to believe without question? I think that its called faith.
But that’s how crazy things happen like the genocide of a race?
Because of unspeakable faith Hitler led many to death,
Because I have faith and not reason, I let you take my breath
Away, but you never give it back, and you can’t
Now all I have are more fears and another rant.
So insanity shows its face by the blind faith that I hold,
But my reason does exist, its what makes me cold.
Ooohh. I remember this. It was written in the wee hours of the morning after being up late obsessing and upset as a young teenage girl is prone to do. I like this piece. It’s raw and it shows the very dichotomy and clash between reason and emotions. I was in the midst of deciding which one should rule. Many years later and I still can’t figure that one out! [Dug this poem out of the entrails of Myspace]
[Image: “Urban Insanity” protected by a Creative Commons license belonging to Dima Bushkov]